A bittersweet love song

I still remember that moment.

I was on a bus from Bogor to Jakarta. It was 1996, I think. For the second time I was in love again, although I did not like it at all. It blew up my balance of mechanism, and it laughed at my rational side. Yes, I am a rational human being, or at least most of my life I lived very rationally! I was staring outside of the window, and sang a Lisa Loeb's against the glass, accompanied by the sound of the bus riding through the toll way:

She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written
'Cause she's never been in love with you before
Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood
Your hair falls soft like animals
I'm trying to keep cool but everyone likes you....

"Yes, damn it!" I thought. I did not dare to do anything for that feeling. I was trying my best to keep cool, just gazing....yes, just gazing....and it was really frustrating. But well, I dared to dream, and I kept on dreaming.

Now I want to kiss the back of your neck
The top of your spine where your hair hits
Gnaw on your fingertips and fall asleep
I'll talk you to sleep

But I'll be the one
And I will have chosen

"Would that be? Will I be that one? I did not dare to choose. And would you dream about me?"

I'm trying to keep cool but everyone here likes you....
I'm not the only one
Your skin smells lovely like sandalwood
Your hair falls soft like animals
And nothing else matters to me

"Nothing else...nothing else matters!" Truly! And I felt like screaming it out, so loud that it would crash the glassed window beside me!

She can't tell me that all of the love songs have been written
'Cause she's never been in love with you before...in love with you before...
Your hand so hot burns a hole in my hand
I wanted to show you

"Never been in love with you before...yes, never...so she can't tell me how I should feel..."
I wanted to show you.....