Amazing grace

Don't you hear the voice of the Lord
when you hear its first cry?

Don't you feel the warmth of the Loving Creator
when you hold it in your arms?

Don't you smell thousands of roses when you kiss it?

Don't you feel the deep love of the Living God
when it smiles?

An amazing grace
A beautiful wonder



A baby...

Dedicated to the birth of "Zo" Silalahi on 27 February 2007
Groningen, 1:37 AM

X-cited!

I cannot be too excited. It disturbs my sleeping. There are too many emotional things I had to encounter today.

First, I deeply missed one friends of mine and thinking of contacting him, and boom!: there was an email from him. I was quite amazed by that coincidence.

Second, I was trying to help another dear friend of mine about getting a scholarship and it kept me busy between my work. And I was somehow occupied by the idea that she might come here to Groningen this year if she got the scholarship.

Third, I received an sms from my very bestfriend in Jakarta: "Today, I become a father of a baby boy". I was extremely happy and deeply touched, of course. And suddenly I was so upset to realize that I couldn't just jump to the airport and take a flight to Jakarta immediately!! And for some moments I was trembling because if the urges of "I wanna go home!!" kept screaming in my mind.

Fourth, I called a very dear friend of mine in Alverca, Portugal. I am planning to go there this April. She said, "Don't book any hotel. You can stay at my parents' weekend house as long as you like. It's in Parede, 10 minutes from Lisbon". And of course, my heart wanna jump!! It means I can stay longer in Portugal and seeing her everyday without worrying so much of the hotel costs!!

That's why, my Dear Blog, Miss Roisin Dubh, I cannot sleep. Too much things are going on in my mind at this moment. It is difficult to let it go when you don't have somebody to talk to. I tried to call my Mom, you know. Unfortunately she was away and would come back on Sunday. Poor-poor-me!

But anyway, that's why I am writing this to you. To be able to sleep. You know what Miss Dubh, I realize how blessed I am to have so many people with whom I have genuine heart-to-heart relations, the people whom I can proudly call my best friends.

Groningen, 1:31 AM! (cannot sleep!!)

Mon âme se repose

I feel so light, my LORD
So light

Thank you,
That I'm able not to worry
About what people might say
Thank you,
That I can ignore my fear
Of what people might think about me

As long as I serve you, LORD
And I believe that you're with me, All the time
I can feel so light, my LORD
So light

May the days of fears are over now
And please grant me your peace
To focus more on my duty
To live as a "beloved" one
And to strive for your likeness
As an "IMAGO DEI", my LORD

Mon âme se repose en paix sur Dieu seul:
In God alone I can find rest and peace:

de lui vient mon salut.
from him comes my salvation

Oui, sur Dieu seul mon âme se repose,
Yes, in God alone I can find rest,

se repose en paix.
rest and peace.

Groningen, 23:42

Popular?

Why is it so important for me that people like me? Why is it so important for me to be popular?

My heart has been pulled by two clearly opposite ideas: One is to glorify my Father in heaven without worrying about anything else in life, and the other one is to seek glory for myself in this world.

I keep worried about how people would see me. I am struggling to put aside this thought. I would like to be able to focus more on my Master, but it seems to be a very difficult thing to do. Being seen as a role model in a certain community for whole my life makes it a very hard task for me.

How if people despise me because I am being true to myself? How if they leave me because I am telling what I really think? How if they think low on me because I fight for what I believe?

I have been telling myself these days: "Don't worry about it, as long as you focus your mind on the will of the Father, as long as you strive for Kingdom of God, as long as you are honest to Him, nothing else matters!!"

But it is easier said than done. WE, HUMAN, were always brought up as a part of a community with its norms and values. You usually end up in a lonely place if you are trying to be true to yourself, because usually the majority would consider you to be odd, weird, or stupid.

Many may think that the problem of conforming the societal norms and values only the problems of the Eastern world, where--so they say--the society is generally valued higher than individuals.
I would say, no, it is not true. People grew up in the so-called Western world are also not free from the norms and values they were raised with.

Maybe, that's why, I think, the search of self is this:
How you learn to live as a genuine person: to try to fit the original design of yourself which your Creator made. And however strong your surroundings influence you, to try to find out which parts of that surroundings are truly yours.

Groningen, 23:28