I love my work, it's just the fuss around it....
It is quite unusual that you don't have problem with your work, but you have problem with the fuss around it. I met many people who complained about their work. Apparently, I don't. I like what I'm doing, and I am enjoying myself by doing it. If I was doing research, I forgot my surroundings, I was usually kind of drowned in it...
Yes, it is the fuss around it that troubles me. I wish, I wish, I wish, I did not have this illness. Clinical depression: anxiety, lacking of energy, feeling not worthed, insomnia, eating disorder, you name it! Your body worked beyond your control, and sometimes you have no slightest clue on what caused it...Is it the bad weather that makes you feel exhausted, or is it the repressed anger that you kept for years? Then I got confused! Which one? Can you tell me?
And to make it more exciting, I was born with highly empathic ability. Is it my receptiveness of negative energy of the people around me that makes me completely exhausted, or simply, am I phobia of something?
I read something about an disorder called social phobia, but I don't think I belong to that category. I like people, I like to be with people, and as far as I can recall my past, I always did...
Yes, it's the fuss around it. I wish I could only have the time to work, and work, and work, without anybody around me, without any social talks, without any pressure to show my happy face and smile, when I feel tremble and shaking inside because of my illness and my empathic ability....Then I might be able to finish on time, or even earlier....
Well, that's life isn't it...it comes in a full package deal: you can't get what you want without having to face the risk of having it...
Don't get me wrong, by the way, because I like my life...I love my life...I'm happy to feel that I'm living in a life full of dynamic energy...because 'life is either a challenge or nothing'! (Thanks to my bestfriend who sent me this quotation from Hellen Keller!)
But sometimes, like this moment: I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish...I was not ill at all!
Yes, it is the fuss around it that troubles me. I wish, I wish, I wish, I did not have this illness. Clinical depression: anxiety, lacking of energy, feeling not worthed, insomnia, eating disorder, you name it! Your body worked beyond your control, and sometimes you have no slightest clue on what caused it...Is it the bad weather that makes you feel exhausted, or is it the repressed anger that you kept for years? Then I got confused! Which one? Can you tell me?
And to make it more exciting, I was born with highly empathic ability. Is it my receptiveness of negative energy of the people around me that makes me completely exhausted, or simply, am I phobia of something?
I read something about an disorder called social phobia, but I don't think I belong to that category. I like people, I like to be with people, and as far as I can recall my past, I always did...
Yes, it's the fuss around it. I wish I could only have the time to work, and work, and work, without anybody around me, without any social talks, without any pressure to show my happy face and smile, when I feel tremble and shaking inside because of my illness and my empathic ability....Then I might be able to finish on time, or even earlier....
Well, that's life isn't it...it comes in a full package deal: you can't get what you want without having to face the risk of having it...
Don't get me wrong, by the way, because I like my life...I love my life...I'm happy to feel that I'm living in a life full of dynamic energy...because 'life is either a challenge or nothing'! (Thanks to my bestfriend who sent me this quotation from Hellen Keller!)
But sometimes, like this moment: I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish...I was not ill at all!
posted by Luciana at 11:02 am
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